I had a dream about my past last night that felt like the present. For some reason I was re-living an old hurt, and experiencing old fear. I saw my children small and innocent, and I dreaded the pain that was about to envelop them. I knew what I had to do, but did not know how I was going to do it. In the end, it was my grandmother who comforted me by telling me I had nothing to fear, that we would get through it together.
I woke up and I was again 38 year old Dannette, married to 37 year old Nicholas. My girls were no longer little hand holding babies, but the gigantic tweens they have grown so beautifully to be. Even though my heart still hurts sometimes, I no longer need to fear. I know my life, I know what I need to do, and I still have my grandmother comforting me.
I guess sometimes your brain works through things in that dream like state, only for you to be so relieved and grateful when you wake up that you made it through in one piece, happy, and alive.
Today I am 38 years old, and for once I feel pretty happy about that.